Visiting in Maine

I am in Maine now with the boys. The trip out here was just fine. There was not any problems and my sons were quite well. They behaved, and I recommend flying in the evening with small children! They sleep. The hardest part was waking them up at the end of the trip. Micah and Owen both cried, they both wanted to be held, but I couldn't hold either! They fell back to sleep in the truck on the way to Grandma and Grandpa Anderson's, and then woke back up here. We were in bed for the night by about 2:30. They slept great last night though. Tonight they were in bed by eight. They are getting worn out. Micah really misses his Nanoo and being home. He doesn't want to go to far away from this house because he knows it is the key to getting back home. Especially when he is tired, but he is having a great time otherwise. Bedtime is hardest, but he isn't crying or anything, just wants to be able to curl up in his own bed I think.

It is both comforting and hard being here. There are so many things that Mickey should be here doing with us. He should be here sharing the memories with us. I feel like I missed out on a part of Mickey since I didn't know much of his childhood, and it makes me miss him more because I want to ask him so many questions and hear his stories. I got some pictures of him when he was young and they will be nice for the boys. Everyone says that Micah is just like Mickey. I guess I will get to see Mickey as a boy that way, however my Micah, will have a much more loving, stable home and will have a better chance than his daddy did. I thank God for the time I had with Mickey and that I was able to provide that love and stability that he needed. His grandparents were there for him too, and there were basically like parents to him. I thank God for them too, they were his saving grace, definitly part of God's plan.

Mickey is everywhere here as a young child and a young man, but not so much as an adult. His adult years were with me, and the boys. I only knew him that way, so it is like a paradox for me. It is better to be home because that is where I shared my life with him, but it also holds constant reminders of what I have lost. Here I don't have the constant reminders of what I lost, but I also don't have him to share being here with. I sleep on the bed he slept on when he was a teenager, the boys play in the same fields, trees, woods that he used to play on as a little boy. This house is where he spent countless time growing up, playing, learning, sleeping, being Mickey. He talked some about his childhood, and I think while it held some great memories, it also represented the pain and rejection he felt from those who were supposed to love and care for him most. I think he spent much of his young adult years trying to balance the happy memories and knowledge of his childhood with overcoming and doing the bad stuff better. He did it well, but I am afraid he didn't get to share as much as his childhood as I would have liked. I feel that is a side I don't know enough about for him. Maybe that is why Pastor Chuck belives that Mickey did appear as a little boy and he is up getting his childhood healed right now. Mickey deserves that. He tried so hard and he overcame so much. I didn't give him enough credit for that. I miss him.