Home From Maine

We got home from Maine Thursday. Overall it was a good trip. It was nice being with Mickey's grandparents who were a postive shaping force in his life. He is a lot like his Grandpa. I learned a lot about Mickey as a boy and about the family as a whole. We will be going back in April I hope. The boys like the simplicity and the quiet time with the grandparents and with me too.

I am doing pretty good. I don't sob anymore, but I do find tears pooling in my eyes, or running down my cheeks not every day, but almost. I can't watch videos of Mickey yet. It hurts too much. It reminds me of what I don't have anymore, what the boys are missing, and what I won't ever have again. Hopefully soon I will be able to, I miss him and would like to see him even if it is just in video.

Life is still very up in the air. My house is paid off but that didn't really feel as good as it should because I would still have all the mortgages in the world for a chance to have him here. I am glad that I can do that though. It isn't a trade off for losing him, but since he is gone, it is nice to know that I don't have that to worry about. I will probably wait until next year to go back to school as a new program from the Army starts then for the spouses of retired Army vets. I'll get more tuition assistance there. I don't have any big plans right now. I try not to think about it too much.

I go to bed earlier now, when I can. It is nice to get more sleep, and there isn't a whole lot of other things to do once the boys are sleeping and mom goes home. It is just me and a house full of sleeping boys and animals.

Some really nice people from my parents growth group came and did some work on my hous when I was gone. It was really nice to come home to and made me feel pretty warm-hearted that they care enough to do that for me. They were things on a long list of things that needed to be taken care of that I doubt I would have gotten around to anytime soon. It was a great service to me.

That's about it for right now.