The Journey Through Grief of a Young Widowed Mom

My grief journey after losing my husband of six and a half years. I am 27, and he would have been 28, in September 2006. We have three little boys, 6, 4, and 2.

Friday, August 28, 2009

Time Marches On

I write this from Georgia where I moved after I married Kris on May 30th. A lot has changed since my last blog entry and I am amazed myself when I look back at it. I thought people were ridiculous when they said the first two years were the worst and after that it gets better. That is the truth. Also figuring out what real depression is and taking medication, even if I don't want to helps also. I needed the medication before Mickey died, and more so afterward. I still need it. It has nothing to do with being sad or upset, it has to do with chemicals and sometimes events, situations cause more imbalance because of hormones and chemicals in the body, and that is the time that it is the worst. That is what I experience during the time of my last post. I had genuine grief but it was made worse by the depression and the anxiety that I was dealing with. This made having a relationship difficult and being able to make decisions clearly.

Kris came to visit me in June '08 and I was not prepared for the visit, and I was not completely stable. I wanted him to visit but when he got there my emotions were such a mess, and his reaction to them made it worse and I decided that we just needed to go our own separate ways. We "broke up at that time and remained in contact, but not anywhere as much as we did before and I felt like I could never have a relationship again, that I wasn't lovable enough to do so either. However, I soon after got on my medication and things started to stabilize in other areas of my life. I could take more control, could make better decisions, and by December, Kris and I were talking more again and the thoughts of dating were on both of our minds. He came to visit for Christmas, and we resumed our relationship with more stability and security though there were still questions about how it would work as I did not want to leave Michigan, and he did not want to leave Kids 4 Christ. Then in February I went down to visit him and we decided we should get married :) We set the date for May 30th, and a week later we moved the boys and me down to GA, where we are going to live for 2-3 years and then we will return to Michigan, per the deal we forged when we got engaged. I enjoy being married and we are kept plenty busy here in GA, but it is not home, and I do look forward to returning to Michigan when the time comes.

Thus ends my journey as a widow. This blog has been therapeutic and I hope that if other young widows come across this, it will help them realize what they are going through is normal, and that it really does get better. The pain of losing my husband will not ever be completely gone, and I will always miss Mickey, but I've come to realize that life moves on, that it does hurt less and less, and that I've got three beautiful boys that are reminding me of him more and more as they grow older.


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