Life Feels A Little Empty

I was looking forward to having Heather here for something to do, something to occupy my mind mostly, and someone to be around to keep me company and help me out around here. Everyone else has their own place and their own life. But, that isn't working out. I never really counted on it working, but it occupied my mind for a little while. Now I am left feeling empty, without direction. I have my boys, of course, and homeschooling James, but deep down I feel like I am just wandering around, existing. I don't have any real direction or focus. I don't know what to do with myself. I don't have my future to look forward to anymore. I don't really have any adult plans or goals. I don't know. It just makes me really sad and really depressed. I don't want to do this alone and I want my life back. I want my husband back. I want my best friend back. I want the promise of a life with him back, with plans of the future.

I just don't want to sit here waiting for things to be better. I don't want to sit here just existing, but I don't really know what else to do. I can't travel with three little boys, and I'd never leave them. I also have a house, a dog and cats that I have to be responsible for. I just don't know.