Lonely, Knowing, but Not Going

I am at a point where I've grieved, I've moved past the pain, but now it is in another sad place. I didn't ask for this, and I am really not enjoying it. I got married at 19...and that is all I had ever really wanted. To be married and have children. I got it, and loved it. Then half of that was taken away, and not only half of it was taken away, the burden was multiplied because now I am a single mother of three little boys. I don't believe I am recognized much as a person, or more specifically as a woman right now. My sister-in-law and friend were sitting in my living room talking about the shortage of single people, single christian people and trying to get two of their friends together...and I thought...how about me, I'm alone too. But, I am sure most people think...it hasn't even been four months, she can't be ready yet. However, being ready to meet people is not the same thing getting married...that usually comes a while later...and you can't get married unless you meet people. I dont think that anyone would argue the shortage of single christian men my age, minus those who want a model, minus those who can't handle kids, or don't want kids, or want a few of their own...and well what does that leave? Notta much. So that leaves me with the conclusion that it will definitly have to God that provides. What else would I want anyway? I, more or less, want to share my life with someone. I loved my life with Mickey, don't forget that, but I can't do anything to change the fact that he is gone. I am not meant to be alone, and never had planned on it, nor experienced in my adult life. I know its not a long adult life, but it was the only one I had, and the only one I had wanted, and that hasn't changed. God did not make Katie to be alone, and I don't believe that God would want the boys being raised without a father figure...but woah, that's quite the role for a man to take on...the father figure to three little boys...that is bound to run most of them off. I guess what is left are the good ones :)

Well I guess that is my rambling for now.